Lies

by Lolita Kitten
(NJ)

I asked a question previously on this website and after showing the answer to my boyfriend, he said there are a few things i need to add. I lied about being raped because i was afraid of being judged about it happening so many times from so many different people. I also had a BIG drug problem, lied about it and hid it from him for almost a year as well. I was diagnosed as bipolar, but was still on drugs while getting medication and therapy, so it didn't help much because i didn't want to help myself. I am now completely clean of drugs and ready for help. He told me that he will support me and help me and stay with me through it all, but then he tells me that the stress of not believing that what I'm telling him now is the truth is too much and that he wants to leave. I love him dearly and i know that he loves me too and that he's just confused because i told him so many different stories when the drugs were clouding my mind. now I'm clear headed and telling him the truth, but he doesn't believe me because of all the lies. What can i do to show him that i'm not lying and that i love him dearly and want to fix the problems??

Ben's Answer:

You can't control what he does and you can't make him stay with you. You can start by making a promise to yourself to not lie anymore. Mania (and drug abuse) can cause even the most self-controlled person to behave in ways that would make a sailor blush. You may have not been in control of your behavior at those times, but you can take steps to avoid being in that state of mind again. Earning someone's trust after lying to them about some big things is a long road. I'd suggest taking your boyfriend to some therapy sessions with you as a start. All you can do is more forward. It's up to him to decide whether to risk getting hurt by trusting you again. All you can do is work on yourself. The only way to recover is to be completely honest. The rest is beyond your control.