Is my Therapist hitting on me?

by John
(California)

I am a 21 year old male and this female therapist is around 30 or so. Maybe a little older. I've been seeing her for 6 months and have made tremendous progress. We have a lot in common creativity wise and I have had a feeling she was attracted to me. I haven't seen her in a couple weeks due to availability with work, but earlier today she called me up and we were initial trying to find a time to meet, which we did. Then she started asking me about other things in my life non "issue" related and ended up being a 30 minute conversation.


I am not sure if she is checking up on me or she is hitting on me, but i kinda have a feeling it was flirt. What are your thoughts? How do you know if she does? What am I supposed to do?

Ben's Reply:

I'd say at the very least, this phone call showed poor boundaries and poor judgement on her part. Unless you raised some issue to discuss on the call, and asked her for some time to talk about it, it sounds unprofessional. If it felt like flirting to you, and your intuition is telling you this, I think it's best not to ignore it, but to address it directly. Remember, you hired her to be your therapist and placed your trust in her. It's her job to hold clear boundaries. If you feel uneasy or confused about her behavior, it is probably best to bring this up with her directly. A therapist is there to support you in your personal growth, not to use you, objectify you or flirt with you. If you feel uncomfortable with her behavior, that's a problem, and it needs to be discussed, or else it can become emotionally unhealthy. If she responds to your feedback with defensiveness or anything that further diminishes your trust in her, you might want to question whether this therapy relationship is in your best interest at this point. But if she can respond honestly and professionally, then maybe it can bring some clarity and trust and improve the therapeutic alliance between you.

Best Wishes,
Ben

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