How to Respond Husband's Critical Comments

My husband constantly worries about what my daughter and I eat. I am 5'4" and weigh 127 pounds. I eat really healthy most of the time. My daughter is 15 and the same height as me and weighs less than 100lbs. He came home from work and wanted to know why she made brownies?
He watches everything I eat too. I know that I can't change him but what would be the best way for me to respond to him when he makes negative comments about our food choices?

Ben's Answer:

You and your daughter should not have to be subjected to this kind of critical, controlling behavior. If either of you actually had a problem with obesity then it might be appropriate for him to talk to you in a caring, respectful manner to try to help you be more healthy. But neither you or your daughter are overweight. If weight is the issue that your husband is perceiving, then his perceptions are distorted, and he has a real problem. As such, I think you should confront him in an assertive but caring way, and be very clear with him that his behavior is out of line, hurtful, and not the least bit helpful. Try to find out what his real concern is. Healthy eating is one valid issue. Weight is another matter altogether. A 15 year old who is 5'4'' and under 100 lbs is very thin. You husband needs to understand that at that fragile time of life, her self-esteem needs to be supported, not torn down. This sort of critical and distorted focus on her weight can lead to serious body-image issues and even eating disorders - like anorexia. A family meeting may be the best way to go, to really raise these issues in a way that addresses everyone's feelings in a respectful and thoughtful way.

If that doesn't work - couple's therapy, or family therapy might be the way to go, if he's willing.

Your assertive response to your husband is the key factor here - for both your own, and your daughter's sake.

Take Care,
Ben Schwarcz