How do I leave my lazy husband?

by Stressed
(Colorado)

I have been married to my husband for nearly 5 years. We are 32(me) and 39(him) yr old. We probably got married for the wrong reasons, and have stayed together for the wrong reasons.

He is lazy and refuses to hold a job. He tried several times earlier in our marriage and always had to quit for one reason or another. Now, he has developed a serious illness, and is in and out of the hospital a couple times a month. So he has an excuse to not look for work at all. He is the stay at home dad to my two older kids, and we have a 2 yr old that is ours. But he doesn't even try do that job well! He is always yelling about something and the house is a mess. I work full time overnights 12 hour shifts in the medical field. We are barely scraping by and having trouble paying bills, etc.

I live far away from what little (unsupportive) family that I have and don't have any real friends here. What do I do? As of right now, I basically have 4 kids- how do I get him out of my life when I have no social support, my finances are in ruins, there is no daycare for my ridiculous hours, and he has nowhere to go. I'm just stuck. I don't love him anymore (if I ever did) and it's become a relationship of convenience. I know I should kick him to the curb, but how? Thanks.

Ben's Answer:

Tough situation. It sounds clear that you have no real interest in staying with your husband, and no hope of trying to make it better with him. So the only thing left to do is face your fears of leaving him. Sometimes caring for ourselves and our kids, means learning to be a bit more selfish. Have a plan. If you don't have a plan, you aren't likely to go anywhere too soon. Write it in a journal if you don't have anyone to hash it out with. Write every day. Make it a clear vision, with all the things you want - the perfect life. Don't be afraid to dream big. It doesn't have to be overly realistic. The point is to break out of your own limited thinking and self-doubt. If you don't think it's possible, then it's not possible.

I also highly recommend EFT to break through these mental barriers and fears. Creating the life you want starts in the mind. You have to confront your fears and weed them out one by one. Once you start to break out of your feelings of despair and helplessness, opportunities will start to show up, in ways that you never even imagined.

Take Care,
Ben Schwarcz