Free Therapist Advice Purchase eBooks and MP3's for Immediate Download EFT/Meridian Tapping Bipolar Treatment Depression Treatment Santa Rosa Therapy Meditation, Yoga, and More News, Links, and Inspiration
After twenty years of marriage, two kids, nearly grown, I was working three jobs, had taken out a second mortgage for $40,000 to pay off my husbands credit cards, I had had enough. I used the money from the jobs to pay off my credit cards, hire a lawyer and leave. I learned through therapy and can see it now that I'm not part of the relationship anymore that I enabled this behavior. Only after saying, this will be the consequence, I will leave, and then allowing him one last time to change shifts ( he was a fire inspector and could go back on a firefighter shift and get an automatic 40% raise) and he didn't do it, I left. He then did all the things I had asked of him in the last three years. But at that point it was too late. I learned that he had undermined me the entire time with my children. He used me to make his life comfortable and I allowed him to do it. No more for me. I'm happy being out of that marriage, It still is painful because society looks at us as failures for not making it work but I also realized after I had left that every single sentence that came out of this mans mouth had a teen weeny lie in it. Together it surmounted many big lies. I could not see it when I was in it.
Start writing things down, you'll begin to see a pattern and learn it's not you. Put your foot down and stick to it. Keep the kids with you and you will find a way to make it work trusting your instincts and your faith.
Mar 03, 2010 Rating
In Response to Anonymous by: Ben
Ok - I didn't give the Dr. Phil answer. But I'm sticking to my view that you can only have what you can believe is possible. If you spend your days in a a state of desperation - feeling trapped, believing you are trapped, and never visualizing yourself being "free" - then it is nearly impossible to find a solution. It's not my place to start giving social work advice. This is not "La La Land" to dream your reality into existence. It's how it really works.
"Our wishes foretell the capacities within us; They are the harbingers of what we shall be able to accomplish. What we can do and want to do is projected in our imagination, Quite outside ourselves, and into the future. We are attracted to what is already ours in secret. Thus, passionate anticipation transforms what is already possible Into dreamt-for-reality."
-Goethe
Mar 03, 2010 Rating
?? by: Anonymous
ok ben you DID NOT even help her answer the question of finding a realistic way to leave her husband. lala land? how will that help her come up with a solution of divorce, modifying her life and juggling her kids?????
