Heart torn into 2.

by Jenn
(Williamsport MD)

I'm not too proud of this, But I have been going through my boyfriend's text, call logs, and photos. Before you judge that, I've had a weird feeling something was going on. Instead of talking to his friends about my suspicions and possibly getting lied to by his friends and him, I went to the only place I knew I could get honest answers, his phone.

I found a picture of his "manhood", and another of a topless woman, and two more of the same woman, but clothed. I seen texts asking his friend not to say anything to me, another text to his friend saying he was going to have a child with her, another text saying he had a "sugar mama", and another saying there was a "hot older chick" he wanted to sleep with.
He doesn't know I know about the 3 pics of the women, but I confessed and told him I went through his phone and asked him about the other things I saw.
Of course we fought, mainly about me going through his phone, and he said I was "being jealous, over reacting" etc.
We have been together for 5 years. In every relationship he's been in before ours, he has been cheated on. I wouldn't have thought he would do that to me when he knows that pain all too well!!!!!!
I don't know what to do! Tell him I've seen those pics? Demand him to stop lying and come clean? Leave? Stay? Forget what I've seen and move on?
Am I even overreacting?! Please help!!!!!

Ben's Answer:

You were wrong to look through his phone, but that doesn't make his cheating on you okay. Tell him to come clean. If he doesn't, will you ever be able to relax and truly trust him? The only way to restore trust is to be totally honest with each other. Now that you've seen what he's up to, you are going to have to confront things openly with him.
We can all do stupid, impulsive things. But you can't just pretend you don't know, or you will always wonder if he's doing it again. He's either ready to commit to an honest monogamous relationship with you, or he isn't. If he says he's committed, he has to be willing to be open and honest, and you both need to work on the emotional intimacy in the relationship.


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