Friends and Cutting

by Vanessa
(LA, United States)

Hi im 11 years old and my name is Vanessa.
My friend has got in 5 fights so far and getting bad grades and making me change a lot. Should i stop being her friend? Also I cut myself. What should i do? I have pain. With people rolling their eyes at me and calling me fat. I've even been slapped in the head and slapped on.

Please help

Ben's Answer:

I think if your friend is getting in fights all the time she might not be such a good person to hang out with. She must have a lot of problems herself - and probably a lot of anger. Even if you can find one person who respects you for who you are, you are better off than someone who has lots of friends that they have to pretend with. Kids sometimes keep friends because of the image, or just wanting to be part of a group, but sometimes have to pretend they're somebody else, and can't be real with them. That's not a real friendship. I know kids can be really mean to each other. If you let bullies upset you they will only do it more. You can't control what others say or think about you. Just focus on what makes you happy, and on the people that can see you for who you really are.

Cutting yourself can become a hard habit to break.
It's not really a way out of your pain and the more you do it, the harder it is to stop. It would help much more to find a therapist or counselor or adult relative to talk to about your feelings. If you don't have any adults who are able to listen to you, you can call a free, confidential hotline like The National Youth Crisis Hotline: 1-800-448-4663 or one of the other free hotlines on this website.

Take Care,
Ben