fighting with myself.

I am completely in love with the most amazing guy ever, he's absolutely wonderful. The only problem we have is my worrying. Every day is a constant worry. Everyday i feel like im fighting with myself. Im not sure if it has something to do with my past boyfriends or something but everyday i find myself second guessing, wondering if everything he says is true, sometimes i cant tell if it is or not. Im worried that its getting to the point to where i cant figure out if i love him or not...maybe because of my past boyfriends hurting me i shut my feelings off? :/ can i get them back? i want them back.

its like one minute im perfectly fine and the next im freaking out. I get confused so easily, i cant tell anymore. I dont know how to get rid of this problem, but i want to, i love him so much, i know i do.

Ben's Answer:

This is a good example of how past negative experiences or traumas cause the nervous system to be in a constant state of high alert. When a new situation reminds you of a past negative situation, it triggers all the old emotions and makes it hard to think and see clearly. Just talking about these issues is usually not terribly effective in resolving them. Although it may be helpful and help you gain insight, you might still be triggered and feel that it is beyond your control.

One of the best methods that I've found for re-setting your nervous system is EFT/Meridian Tapping. It usually works very quickly to resolve the old negative experiences and puts them to rest so that you can see your current boyfriend with a fresh perspective. It calms down the part of the brain that reacts emotionally to things that remind you of the past. This is likely to work very quickly if done the right way - unless you have an extensive history of complex trauma (then it can take longer).

Meditation is another excellent way to learn to relax and live in the present moment and let go of the past.

Take Care,
Ben Schwarcz, MFT
Santa Rosa Psychotherapist











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