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Comments for
Erotic Transference or Is My Therapist Hitting on Me?
Ben Schwarcz needs to consider the difference between illicit=forbidden and elicit=evoke. I think he means the latter both times. Otherwise very useful.
Jul 21, 2011 Rating
Working with ET by: Anonymous
Put two people in a room and there is erotic transference no matter what the gender or sexuality. For me as a therapist it is always about working with my counter-transference, what am I feeling about what the client is making explicit or what is often being said non-verbally and out of awareness.
A good example is a client who I am working with at present who makes no reference to sexual things per se or within the context of her relationship with her husband, but from my experience of her clearly is a sensual woman and displays an abundant cleavage in the room. I am stirred by this of course and am so tempted to say "goodness you are looking attractive today" which I guess would be being authentic. However, because I know so much of her story, her hurt and pain from the past, I hold in mind that she seeks relationship through sex (which explains her great difficulty she is having with her husband) and transfers this on to me unconsciously. This explains why in the beginning and even now sometimes I feel the potential to be shamed or get embarassed. Something is not being owned by her and this triggers the above, a flavour of something erotic in the room.
My way of working with this is always about being the 'safe object' for a client such as this by not sexualizing the relationship. Personally I would not engage in the way your therapist is doing. I'm not saying it is wrong and I'm not saying don't talk about sex. But my sense is that this has to be done in 'adult', boundaried and understanding that this client ultimately, perhaps like you, seeks safety in relationship and a chance to figure out for herself healthy relating.
All this is a very tough call for therapists to take responsibility for their own innermost dynamics about sex, relationships, seduction, etc, to supervision so as to be available for the benefit of the client, not ourselves. As the above comment said you should not be becoming therapist. As long as you continue to be getting benefits and these are panning out in the outside world, you are feeling empowered, relationships are improving or you simply feel that things are shifting something is working for you!
