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Johny, I understand. I just turned 40 and have battled the diaper fetish since a young boy. I believe it stems from emotional scars of being yelled at for wetting the bed as a boy and feeling helpless. I body would not wake me up to urinate and I was humiliated. I remember training myself to wake up as often as I could just so I would not fall deeply asleep. I don't sleep through the night to this day. I just opened my soul to my wife (about those early years) and she believes this is the root of my poor sleep. She encouraged me to buy some adult diapers to regain that sense of security I never had. It's my first week. Unbelieveable sensations are flooding back into my memory. Good luck!
