Destructive dating behaviour

I constantly reject individuals who are romantically interested in me but go after or yearn for individuals who reject me or are uninterested. Why is that?


Ben's Answer:
We learn to love at an early age. The people we attach to first (usually our parents) set the pattern that we unconsciously follow through later relationships. We chase after what we are used to (not necessarily what we truly want). We do what's familiar. If dad was critical, distant, absent or disconnected, then we look for guys that have those same qualities - hoping that they will snap out of it and love us. The guys who are ready to love you unconditionally bear no resemblance to the male figure you imprinted on as a child. (I know I'm making assumptions here about you - but this is usually the way the story goes for most people with this issue).

Face the feelings that make you uncomfortable and explore them. Patterns can be changed if you're not afraid to look deep within yourself.

Take Care,
Ben Schwarcz, MFT

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