child molestation

My dear friends 9yr old son was sexually molested by an 11 yr old boy what should she do?


Ben's Answer:

Molestation can mean lots of different things; Anything from touching private places with clothes on, to be coerced to perform sexual acts. The question is, how traumatized is the 9 year old? If he's able to talk about this experience with his parents, express his feelings about it, and get a clear message of support from his parents, then he may not need further intervention - like a therapist; He should be allowed to talk about it as much as he wants. If it was my child, I would be doing EFT/Meridian Tapping with them - it works great for kids and trauma of all kinds. This may be all that is necessary.

But if he shows any excessive signs of trauma - tearfulness, sleep problems, nightmares, insecurity, anxiety, aggression or invading the boundaries of other kids, then seeing a therapist may be in order.

The other issue is the 11 year old. Very often, a child who molests another child has himself been victimized; That child needs to be protected and cared for too. And if this 11 yr old doesn't get the intervention he needs, it is very possible that he will molest another child. So reporting this to child protective services is probably a good idea, since they have the authority to investigate, come up with a therapeutic treatment plan, and can enforce compliance with that.

Thanks for the question.

Ben Schwarcz, MFT
Santa Rosa Psychotherapist











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Dec 22, 2010
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traumas
by: Anonymous

A friend has been thru many traumas.She fell out of dads car,hurt her neck & shoulder.She watched as her mom beat her sister.Threw sharp objects that stuck in her arms,legs etc.& blood gushing.It was terrifying to her.She was locked out of her home during day-isolated from everyone.No playmates,toys,very lonely.she hid inside herself.felt no love except attention from her dad.After being 19 she lost him.As she was told he commited suiside.This was another bad abuse.mom remarried.She married at 20-went thru 37 yrs of abuse from hubbyalsao 5 chilfren did also.She decided to do something of geting rid of issues instead of using drugs.

Dec 22, 2010
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negative abuse
by: Anonymous

Ive been into EFT five yrs .Ive been researching to find different ways to clear emotions.It says we have to do #4-things,forgive the offender for the harm,forgive the harm itself,forgive ourselves for our balme,forgive us for allowing ourselves to be aggravated.We forgive them as in the emotion-not the person.The negative emotion they carry.This frogivensee is to be released so we can move on-if we dont frogive the negative emotionthen we cant move on.This is what it said.NOT the person-as meaning if person was in right mind,none of this crap would take place.We follow eveil,lust,adultry,steal,etc.If we looked towards GOD instead then wed befine.

Dec 20, 2010
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11 yr old molesting
by: Anonymous

I have a friend, now much older. She finally told me of her being molested by family member. She told me,that the person did things that should not have happened. She has been very confused.The person told her they had something that they would do to the mom IF she told (this was their protection to hold her to secrecy). At that young age it terrified her. As now the person is no longer around, she has finally been able to talk on it. Im into EFT, not doc but doing my own issues. Im working to help her out. I'm finding differnt ways to get rid of these issues. Also I find she has to forgive her self & him. Does this get rid of all negative crap? NOT him personally just the emotion that took place - the act.????

Ben's Answer:

There are often many "aspects" of a trauma to work on with EFT in order to completely heal it. In most cases this can definitely be accomplished with EFT (elimination of the negative emotion and pain about the memories). Forgiving the perpetrator should be the last thing that is addressed - if at all. Forgiveness often happens naturally once the trauma memory is dissolved. Trying prematurely to forgive the other person can complicate the process and keep it from resolving. Forgiving yourself for being victimized is much more important - especially since all kids tend to blame themselves for the abuse that happens to them. Even if she is now grown up and knows it wasn't her fault, the trauma memory is connected to her 11 year old consciousness - and from that point of reference, she may still blame herself. If you blame yourself, then you will unconsciously hold onto the pain as a sort of self-punishment.

It's important to address any and all feelings that come up around this trauma -- anger, sadness, guilt, shame, fear. Often when kids are molested they experience some physical sensations of pleasure, which is extremely confusing and produces deep feelings of guilt and shame. Those feelings may also need to be included in the EFT process.

When in doubt, please consult an experienced therapist or EFT practitioner.

Thanks for your concern about your friend.

Take Care,
Ben Schwarcz, MFT

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