Can't Let Go of Bad Things

by Joan
(Las Vegas, NV, Clark)

When ever something bad has happened I either get depressed and think out revenge (although I have never done it) or I believe it is my fault (although it might not be). I can not let go of things that have happened and didn't have a great ending.

Is there a name for this? Does this happen to others? It could be years later, and I still feel the hate and hurt.

I am diagnosed bi-polar although I think I am, and I see a therapist but I am curious if this is something that happens to others and what causes it.

Thank you

Ben's Answer

Hi Joan -

Yes, the habit of holding onto bad things, hurts, resentments, self-blame, desire for revenge - does happen to other people. It is human nature to hold onto the past. And the only way to ever really find peace and happiness is to live more in the moment. If there are past traumas, or emotionally hurtful events that still haunt you, then techniques like EFT/Meridian Tapping can help you to clear them out pretty quickly in most cases. A shift needs to happen, a letting go of the need to fix the past or even make sense of it. The present moment is the only real life you have to live. Meditation can also be a great help in this. Once the shift happens from past-focus to Present-focus you won't hold onto those things anymore.

Some of this also has to do with self-esteem, guilt, and lack of self-acceptance. With bipolar disorder, whatever issues you have will simply be intensified because the mind gets very restless. Thoughts get stuck on a certain track and keep repeating that loop, so it's harder to let go. It's good to work on that in therapy, but I suggest also adding meditation and Meridian Tapping/EFT to your self-care routine to let go of past hurts, and calm the mind so you can focus on Now.

Best wishes,
Ben