Can lack of vaginal sex lead to erectile dysfucntion?

To whom it may concern,
How are you doing? I hope this e-mail finds you in the best of health. I hope you can answer my questions about "possible erectile dysfunction."

I am 37 years old and have had sex (vaginal intercourse, 7 times), 5 of which has lasted 2 minutes COMBINED. I had problems maintaining an erection on Saturday night after having an orgasm twice, NON-vaginally. That girl said that I was having a problem because I have not had vaginal sex enough. Can this be true? Can not having enough vaginal sex lead to a man not being able to maintain an erection? Thank you and take care, sincerely, Fazal.

Ben's Answer:

If I'm understanding your question correctly, it sounds to me like you are not actually having an problem GETTING an erection, but that you are having "pre-mature ejaculation." After having an ejaculation it is normal for a man to lose his erection. Usually some time must pass before he can feel aroused enough to get another erection, and this is simply the way the body works. It need to recharge before it's ready again.

Having an orgasm is actually not the same thing as having an ejaculation - although most of the time they happen at the same time. It's actually possible through Taoist and Yogic techniques to learn to avoid having an ejaculation and still have an orgasm. The orgasm is what feels good - the intensifying and vibration of sexual energy reaching a climax. If you don't ejaculate, then you can learn to have multiple orgasms and you will not lose your erection until you or your girlfriend decide you've had enough.

If you haven't had sex (intercourse) very much in your life, then it may be that being with a woman is so intense and sexually arousing that you reach orgasm/ejaculation very quickly and easily. And maybe even without intercourse. So in a way, your girlfriend might be right. If you had more intercourse, you would become a bit more desensitized to the experience and probably would last longer. You might as well just practice and have fun along the way.

So to answer your question - lack of vaginal intercourse does not lead to erectile dysfunction; but it could lead to you being extra sensitive and easily aroused, so that you ejaculate too quickly and THEN lose your erection.

The other common reason for pre-mature ejaculation is nervousness. So go easy on yourself and just try to relax and have fun. If you stress about it, it just adds to the problem. It's important to take slow deep breaths from the belly while having sex, and there's other tricks to delaying ejaculation if you care to learn them.

Best wishes,
Ben Schwarcz, MFT
Santa Rosa Psychotherapist