Am I bipolar ??? or more ? please help me.
I am eighteen, I think I might be bipolar, I was reading this article and I found so many things that describe my shitty existence. You see, I can't focus, or concentrate on anything. Growing I was the star student, four years everything changed and now I am flunking. My thoughts are all over the place, sometimes too fast for me to comprehend. Even in conversations, I jump from one topic to another that I always forget what I was talking about. Also rapidly racing thoughts that I can’t catch up. I forget things, important things. I can’t memorize my lessons or even pay attention. My memory is completely screwed, I am a music fanatic and yet I can't memorize one full song's lyrics for the life of me. When I am really angry, I am the meanest person, I have no filter or control on the bullshit I say. worse yet what I think.
I always feel depressed at those times, and I toy with the idea of suicide. I won't do it but I always think about it when I am sad. I don't understand, I am completely against the idea, so how come I consider the different ways to accomplish it?
I have a constant need to sleep. I can never get enough sleep, sometimes for 20 continuous hours or more. Sometimes I am too hyper, happy and excited. When I am happy, I giggle and I can't control it. It makes me feel embarrassed. In between the sadness and happiness I am stuck at this very cold, frigid place, where I don't give a flying damn about anything or anybody, I can no longer feel like a human being. I don't feel love to those whom I love the most; I almost don't care at all. And I am sick of being so cold all the time, it is very depressing, I may not be able to feel positive emotions when I am in that state but I can feel negative ones. I used to be a very sensitive person growing up , so lately I discovered that when I try to forget about things, I could actually make myself almost forget the things that bother me, so that I don't feel anything at all. Now it happens automatically, every time something bothers me I think of something else, and I forget about it.
I also have this obsessive need to plan; I have like hundreds of lists of goals that are almost humanly impossible to reach. Too much, that I end up doing nothing at all. For the past four years, I ate, slept watched TV, read and made lists. That's it. I always want to do something new; I am always after the thrill. I always want to do something crazy and spontaneous. I experience lots of fast heartbeats and hair loss for no reason.
I overeat, when I am full I still craving foods. Sugary treats or simply just anything edible.
Also I am always hot , I always want to open the air conditioner even in the winter. I became dependent on people, I get urges to just talk to someone. It is unsettling. I also cry a lot, especially when I am sad.
I can’t recall huge chunks from my childhood. I daydream all the time of alternative realities, where I don’t have to be me. I also talk very fast, sometimes. People can’t catch up when I am like that. I also suffer during taking decisions, even something simple like picking a meal I could hover over the menu for hours.
I am afraid to grow up, I want to do too many things before I am a certain age.
I am not sure if this has anything to do with it but lately my period stopped for 4 months my gynecologist said I had something called irregular periods that I should get on birth control to trigger the periods. And if I ever decide to get pregnant I might need help.
Please help me, I can’t focus I need to pass, or my future is over.
A lot of the symptoms you describe could be related to a Thyroid issue (feeling hot, craving food all the time, hair loss). Thyroid conditions are hormonal and can cause severe symptoms of depression, anxiety, sleep problems, and many other emotional issues.
According to Dr. Joseph Mercola - who owns the world's most popular natural health website Mercola.com - most doctors do incorrect testing for Thyroid conditions and miss a large number of people whose test results do not fall within their "parameters" for identifying a "problem." I would strongly urge you to read his material (Mercola.com), and consider seeing a Naturopath or other holistically oriented medical doctor for quality testing. If that kind of issue goes unrecognized, it can get worse and you may explore all sorts of ineffective treatments without getting to the real cause of your symptoms.
The problem with the rush to conclude Bipolar Disorder, is that all too many doctors are only too willing to give you psychiatric medication that can end up worsening your condition. There are doctors you could go to today, who upon hearing about your symptoms would hand you an antidepressant - which could actually cause (rather than treat) a Bipolar condition.
Antidepressants are one of the leading triggers of Bipolar Disorder, and once the cycle begins, for many, it never stops - even if you stop taking the medication.
Seeing a therapist weekly would be a great idea, regardless of any other treatment you pursue - simply to talk about your feelings, lower your stress and sort things out.
As always, I also suggest you use meditation daily -- two of the best methods of taking care of yourself.
Ben Schwarcz, MFT
Santa Rosa Psychotherapist
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