Accused of stealing from my only sister

by Shandi
(Newaygo , Michigan)

My sister accused me of stealing from her, from her own house, while i slept there one night after a new year's party.
I would never have thought of stealing from her, I always looked up to her and cherished her, I accepted her husband whom no one else cared for in the family.

This has made me so very angry and then turns into sadness. I cry over the thought of her even thinking i could do such a thing. I'm willing to take a lie detector test to prove to her i didn't steal from her, but it will never change the way this has torn our family apart.

It has been over a year now and she still insists I stole from her. There was a police report that says her husband said that i was hard up for cash at the time and thinks that me and my b/f of 7 yrs would have taken it. My b/f and I both had very good paying jobs, but that doesn't make a difference to them.

I have been keeping my daughter who is 5 away from her since she thinks that I would steal from her, she would also accuse my daughter of this hideous crime one day and i wouldn't want my daughter to go through the pain that I am going through now.
My grandma has always been closer to my sister and when she babysits my daughter she sneaks visits to my sister, whom i have made clear i don't want my daughter to have anything to do with my sister any longer!

I'm asking what can i do to get past this nightmare?

Ben's Answer:

This is a sad situation indeed. You can't force your sister to believe you or trust you. If you have done all you can to communicate with her and you feel she has made up her mind, then the only thing left to do is to take care of your own feelings. I don't blame you a bit for not wanting your daughter to be around her after what happened. And I think you have every right to insist that your grandma not take your daughter over there.

What does your grandmother think about this situation? Does she believe that you are innocent? And if she believes you, and is close to your sister, can she talk some sense into her?

If there is no way to work on the relationship directly with your sister, you just have to heal your own pain and move on with your life and let her go. This is a traumatic loss and needs some care and attention. Therapy could be a very good support to work through this - but if it's not the right kind of therapy, you could just find yourself telling the story of your sister's betrayal again and again, and not fully resolve the feelings. I believe techniques like Meridian Tapping/EFT are the best way to let go of the past and all the resentment and hurt that you feel.

Whether your sister ever sees the mistakes she's made and apologizes, or not, you need to find your own peace of mind and not expect or wait for her to come around. The best thing you can do is to simply work on yourself, and everything else will fall naturally into place.

Take Care,
Ben Schwarcz, MFT
Santa Rosa Psychotherapist

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